Letter from the Editor

Because we are in travel season, it seemed only appropriate to share the following reader story. While I laughed out loud at it, I also felt the pain of this vacation from you know where. Chevy Chase had nothing on this!  Here it is, courtesy of Mark from Colorado:

The vacation plan seemed simple enough. My wife and two kids and I planned the all-American vacation to Disneyland. To make it even more American, we decided to rent a nice, roomy air-conditioned van that could carry us all comfortably from Denver to our destination and various points of interest along the way. Visions of singing songs in the van, stopping at rest stops to roast hot dogs, oohing and aahing at nature's wonders and just plain 'ole family bonding raced through my head. Too bad it didn't quite work that way.

It all started out innocently enough . . . We picked up the van, got it all loaded and still had plenty of room to be comfortable. We headed out to the Grand Canyon. None of us had ever seen it before and we were very excited. We hadn't made any room reservations as we were just going to go with the flow of the moment. Stop when we wanted and go where we wanted to go and just really be free for 10 days. This was living life!

We soon discovered that we didn't have the same tastes in music (or was it that my wife couldn't sing?). In fact, we hated each others choices to the point that we decided we'd just turn off the radio and just talk. Except no one really had anything to say. But, that was okay. The kids read or listened to their own music through headphones and my wife slept. We'd have plenty of time to bond in the next week, right?

We made our way like this nearly all the way to the Grand Canyon. It was dark and apparently I dozed off while driving with all the quiet around me. I awoke with a startle to find myself driving us right through a cactus field going somewhere around 70 miles per hour. I grabbed on to the wheel and we careened between cacti until I finally got my senses together enough to think to stop the van. I had no idea where we were.

Everyone was awake again and just a little bit mad. Smoke was coming out of the engine and with the complete darkness of the desert, I had no way to figure out what was wrong. So, still in my let's have fun mood, I decided we'd just open up the back of the van and we'd clear a space for all of us to lie down and camp out till daylight. It was a little cramped, and I'm a tall man, so I had to lay with my feet hanging out. It was actually kind of nice to be laying there in nature with my loved ones, even though they were mad at me. I finally fell fitfully asleep. I was awakened a few hours later by a strange sensation on my feet. I was laying on my stomach and I looked around to see a herd of giant rabbits nibbling on my toes. I shrieked like a little girl which made my family wake up. They turned and shrieked, too. We clamored to shut the door and hurried and got in our positions and tried to get out. But the van wouldn't start.

So, my son and I took out walking to find help. Turned out we were only about a half mile from the road. We were able to flag down someone who was able to get a tow-truck to come get us. We were towed into a small town and taken to a garage. The mechanic told us that the carburetor was wrapped in cactus needles and that some had gotten into the engine. We would have to wait a day for parts.

OK, then, we'd just get a motel room, a shower, a good meal and we'd play in the pool and relax all day. But, alas, there was no room available. So we somehow passed the day, spent the night in the van in the garage and my wife wasn't speaking to me. We got out around noon and now none of them was in any mood to go to the Grand Canyon. They just wanted to get on to Disneyland. So, off we went on day 4.

We stopped for dinner at a truck stop. I made a BIG mistake and left the keys in the van. We came out, our bellies full and ready to make it to the real fun. But the van had been stolen, including all our luggage. We called the police, arranged for another rental but that would be yet another day due to our remote location.

Day 6 came and no one was talking again. The "new" van wasn't nearly as nice and the air conditioner didn't work. We headed on to Disneyland and I was now obsessed with getting there and then demanding that these people have a good time. We got there too late to go so we got a nice hotel room and some new clothes and the mood really was starting to lift. The next day we got up ready for some real fun. Can you believe it? Disneyland was closed due to some freak circumstance.

That was it. We decided to just head home. My wife was now talking divorce. When she was talking anyway. We got to the western edge of Colorado and a tire blew. My wife had had it. She took the kids, bought bus tickets and went on home without me.

Total price of the trip: $6,500 plus a near divorce.   Sites seen - zero!

Your comments, suggestions and humorous stories were most appreciated. Keep them coming to me at makemelaff100@hotmail.com.  Thanks, Dee!